Well we officially have 2 months under our belt! Where on earth does the time go?! Danica was born on September 24th and I swear I have no idea where those last few days of September went, let alone the entire month of October. Well, I have a slight idea. My little angel had her days and nights confused for quite some time! And me, being total type-A with a capital A and a completely routine oriented creature who schedules every last minute of her day, was thrown for a loop. But I will confess, it was the BEST loop ever!
Life as a Mama // is the most amazing thing ever! Nobody could have prepared me for the love I would feel for this little being. It is immediate, unconditional and overflowing from the heart. Even when you are running on your last fume, just had projectile fluorescent yellow poop sprayed across the room at 3 am all over the door and light colored carpet and her crying so loud all the neighbors on the block could hear at all hours of the night (you really want to wilt into the shit stained carpet but you don't). You are a mother now and you pull out that inner strength and can do anything attitude, right out of who knows where and clean that carpet, change the baby, feed her, rock her and fall asleep together in the chair. Because a mama can do it all!
Two months in and I am feeling almost totally normal now. October was an absolute blur as I said before. I had to ward off friends from visiting because it was all I could do to take a shower and a nap when the hubs got home and some days I could not even do either of those. I finally was forced to get up when my moms group started. That has seriously been my weekly saving grace (to get out) and a few wonderful mamas who have babies a little older than mine and my sweet sister for advice as well. I really wish I had one more month home with her. But I don't so I am making the best of these last few weeks. Sigh...
Here are a few things I am loving as a new Mama...
Moms group // this is put on through our hospital. The group is led by the most wonderfully kind, sweet dispositioned lady ever. Our babies can cry, poop, nurse and do whatever their little hearts desire while we all sit in a large circle with a different baby topic each week and go around sharing our week and questions. Even though you may have a sibling with kids or friends a little ahead of you, there is something so amazing about being smack dab in the middle of it all with others right at the same time! It makes you feel a little less crazy, you can share everything or nothing and everyone is in the exact same boat. I have met some sweet girls and I look forward to continued friendships through this as these ladies are all awesome mamas.
Lactation Clinic // if anyone ever tells you nursing does not hurt then lead me to them and I will knock them the eff out! JK but seriously! I had a hell of a time and just this week at EIGHT WEEKS I can take a shower without shielding myself! I have implants and was so engorged at the beginning that my baby was practically bobbing for an apple. Once she got on, it wasn't right so needless to say I was injured. Cracked, bleeding and oozing for weeks. I cried and cried and cried. I dreaded nursing and she would be hungry and crying in hubs arms and he would lower her onto my pillow and I would start balling. Due to the difficulty in the beginning I had to call urgent care on night 4 home from the hospital as she was hysterical. They said I needed to supplement with formula for a time until we got everything worked out as she wasn't getting sufficient food from me. I cried even more. I felt like a failure and thought how hard is this?! You put babe to boob and wall-la. But no, its not that simple. Then I cried even more, mad and ashamed of myself for being so vain in my 20's getting implants. We did not know if my milk supply was in or my ducts were blocked or what. It hurt so bad! I would feed her with tears rolling down my face the entire time and would just pray. Please God take away the pain. The only thing that got me through was I kept telling myself it would not last forever.
Again, our hospital is awesome and puts on a free weekly lactation clinic with another amazing instructor. SO I went every week for 4 weeks. She helped me get her on and corrected her positioning/latch. I was only able to nurse from one side for weeks as my right was so bad. We came up with a plan (thanks to Dr too) of breast feed baby, supplement with a bottle right after and then pump. This entire process would take me an hour. (Which is why visitors would have been hard on top of no sleep and mixed up days and nights.) I have to add that my amazing hubs was a huge help. He would give her the bottle while I pumped and that would save us time. Eventually I started pumping and pumping and became this milk machine.
I am happy to report that we are now healed on the right, nursing from both sides, no longer need the formula and I am so happy I did not give up! Because when you wake up at 5 am and nurse your sweet babe and they are cooing in absolute heaven, you know you're a mama and have the strength to power through. Also, I have to add that even if I wasn't able to nurse I would have been alright with formula feeding as I knew that whatever was best for my babe was what I was going to do! I am super stoked to report that I have 70 bags of stored milk supply in my freezer now! Wahoo!
Working Out // this can be doing anything physical once you have your release from the Dr. Again, I have an amazing hubs who is pro-working out. So going to the gym, walks and anything physical is super important to him and he knows it is important to me too. He immediately took charge of her so I could go workout right at 6 weeks. I am telling you that even a walk outside around the block will make you feel a 1000 times better if you don't go to the gym. But get out and get moving. The baby will love it to. I also meet some of the moms from my group and we all walk together and push the strollers. Yes, I am one of those.
That is just scratching the surface of Mamahood for me. I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of everyday and could not be more grateful for my sweet little life! I am also working on the birth story and hope to share that soon.